Story by Rachel Wilder
Princeton NJ
born: Jan 3rd 1762

Snow fallen upon our farm in Princeton NJ, the farm animals sheltering in the barn out back. Here I am up in my room writing about my issues and emotions that people in this house can’t swallow. Something about me is driving me crazy yet I’m forced to compress my emotions down. My father believes that all women should be restricted to the house and work night and day to serve the men. I find it observed, since part of me feels very uncomfortable with my body. Tomorrow is my 15th birthday and these horrid feelings going to come out? My brother Matt, 19 years old has made a regular visit to the Clements place across from us a lot. I’m wondering if he seems to have something for Clara, feelings for her. I though I attempted to follow him yet mother held me back and told me to stay put and help around the house. That pinched my nerves; I can’t believe my mother is going to allow herself to be like this.

I despise wearing dresses, I recall my brother telling me about how both boys and girls worn dresses in early times. He said by the time age five came he was freed to be a man and no longer wear skirts. Though he did say he sometimes wanted to put on another dress for just a while. Though father been working him hard around the farm yard I tend to wonder about my brothers ways. Tall, curly blonde hair and brown eyes, Matt Wilder isn’t your typical Mans man. I know, on occasions when we go see the Clements I notice Clara giving Matt the eyen yet Matt’s eyes linger upon her older red head brother Jack. I swear something is going on between those two, yet Clara wants a piece of my brother for herself. Obviously Matt isn’t interested and spent several times just to go see Jack. Also Matt bluffs about being attracted to Clara than Jack just to cover himself.

Apparently my parents don’t seem to be picking up on his deviousness. Yet I asked my father countless times for me to go hunting chop wood and various other activities he keeps shoving me into the kitchen with mother. I’m no longer wish to be considering a girl I know deep inside me I feel like man trapped in this terrible form. Tomorrow I’m going to defy my ways to becoming a man even if it means asking Matt if he will believe me. No one seems to believe me. From what I know the war is raging apparently it will be heading our way, father bound to pick up his musket and join the fight for our countries freedom from the enemy. Will that leave me to order mother around? I wonder if I could just escape this place. My father being a patriot like man, my looks came from him defiantly the dark hair, brown eyes slender like figure. Why do I feel they wish I was born a boy than a girl? My mother the blonde doting woman apparently loves my father regardless how much work he gets her to do. Somewhat balanced life style we live in.
Though I think tomorrow could be when it slowly goes down hill.


There was a knocking at my door arousing me from my diary writing I quickly shoved it away. “Rachel its time to go to sleep” I heard my brother say through the wooden door. I sighed and blew the lamp out and curled up in my bed. As I knew tomorrow, was going to be different for us. That night seemed to be a struggle for me to rest calmly in bed with the bitter cold inside my little room. “Curse this winter” I hissed as I buried myself deeper in the animal skin like blankets. I remained there until sunlight of the next morning shone into my room. “The dreaded day has dawned” I thought as I climbed out of bed to be surprised by my family in my room. “Happy birthday” mother crows as she handed me carved toy which my father must have made. “Thank you” I grunted as I put it on the bed. They looked around a bit before they left my room in silence, my eyes narrowed as they seemed to think I don’t care. Part of me didn’t appreciate the gift, and yet I have to, I followed them all into the kitchen with the toy. “Is something wrong?” I asked them as I sat down at the table.

“Its just father is going away today, he wont be here for your birthday” my mother said as she slaved over the open fire cooking porridge for our breakfast. My father looked at us both “Matt you’re in charge of the house now until I come back. Don’t let your mother or sister slack off” he said. I glared at Matt and he looked at my father “I will” he said as mother handed a bowl of porridge to each of us before sitting down. “Last breakfast together, let’s make the most of it for Rachel’s sake” she said as she started eating. I stared into my bow of mush and ate it in silence, we seemed to never talk much at the table it’s like a thinking time or just we didn’t know what to say. Are they doing this because I feel sad if my father goes and never comes back? Do they think I’m that attached to them? I liked my father but then again I wished he give me chances to do something outside my daily routine. Our house isn’t the warmest place, it felt more like an ice cave we rely so much on the fireplace and the wood which could soon disappear.

“Well Matt I need you to go out and clean that barn today!” father said after finishing up his breakfast. “Eat up Rachel, you hardly touching your food” mother noticed as I played around with it. “Maybe I should get Rachel to clean the barn out” Matt jokes as I got a little tense at that remark “I will not do any work for you brother!” I yelled at him and stormed away from the table “Come back here young lady!” father calls as I slammed the door to my room. Matt and mother sat in awe as my father pounded on my door “Rachel come out right now” he calls as I tossed his gift against the wall several times until my father barged into to grab me “Let me go” I screamed as I kicked wildly I could have got him, but he violently flung to the cold floor scared me. “Say sorry to your brother you!” he spat at me as I coiled up into a ball “You hurt me” I cried as he bent over to pick up the toy he made for me. “Is this what you do to the people who care about you?” he said as he took the toy away my mother rushed into see me on the floor crying.

“What did you do to her?” she said as she knelt down by my side and held me up. “Nothing” he said as he left my room, my brother appeared in the door way. “Look Rachel I was kidding, you don’t have to do my job ok” he said as he wound the scarf around his neck tightly and fixed up his gloves. “Matt just go and do your chores” my mother said as we got up off the floor and she sat me down on the bed. From there Matt left us without haste. “Now Rachel, what is wrong with you today?” my mother asks as my eyes seemed enraged with anger and sadness. “I just don’t wish to be the one ordered back, I want to be the one doing ordering. I’m not a servant mother” I said as cried loudly. My mother sighs “Look dear, that’s the way things are” she said as she patted me on the back. “It’s horrible… just leave me alone” I said shoving her away she turned and headed out the door closing it behind her. Sitting there in my room I decided to look out the frosty window to the barn out the back. I squinted to see if Matt was out there yet I noticed someone else entering the place with him.  From there I grabbed my scarf, gloves, and jacket and headed out of the room to clash into my fathers way. “Rachel what you doing out of your room?” he growled as I shoved passed him and headed out of the house via the back door. Storming across the snow cover grounds my eyes sharply on finding out what my brother was up too.